Is this what happens to women who are desperate to conceive? We become AM talk radio: all baby, all the time. Oh, you talk of baby, too. You also want a baby after all. But you could speak of our imaginary daughter one second and just as soon be showing me a Think Geek catalog. There are many things you’re good at at, and one of them is living in the moment. I’ve never mastered this, always dreaming, always planning. But I’d like to try.
Today, I wish to only think about this time we may never have again, this time before babies of just you and me. There will never be enough of it anyway. As it is, it’s like the lyrics in the Rascal Flatts song I made you listen to incessantly: “I think about the years I spent just passing through/I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you.” In short, I was robbed. Can you imagine the things we’d have already accomplished together with more time?
Today, instead, I’ll do my best to think solely of the wonders that are adult-only trips to Disney, lazy coffee-laced mornings with no one to tend to, hours that can be devoted (guilt-free) to Super Mario Galaxy. Of impromptu late night two-for-ice-cream socials with my husband.
Because yes, there is the wanting, but for now there’s the to have and to hold. For now, that is enough. More than enough for me.
Forever and ever, your newlywed,