Dear Craig:

Is this what happens to women who are desperate to conceive?  We become AM talk radio: all baby, all the time.   Oh, you talk of baby, too.  You also want a baby after all.  But you could speak of our imaginary daughter one second and just as soon be showing me a Think Geek catalog.  There are many things you’re good at at, and one of them is living in the moment.  I’ve never mastered this, always dreaming, always planning.  But I’d like to try.

Today, I wish to only think about this time we may never have again, this time before babies of just you and me.  There will never be enough of it anyway.  As it is, it’s like the lyrics in the Rascal Flatts song I made you listen to incessantly: “I think about the years I spent just passing through/I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you.”  In short, I was robbed.  Can you imagine the things we’d have already accomplished together with more time?

Today, instead, I’ll do my best to think solely of the wonders that are adult-only trips to Disney, lazy coffee-laced mornings with no one to tend to, hours that can be devoted (guilt-free) to Super Mario Galaxy.  Of impromptu late night two-for-ice-cream socials with my husband.

Because yes, there is the wanting, but for now there’s the to have and to hold.  For now, that is enough.  More than enough for me.

Forever and ever, your newlywed,




  1. Nadine said,

    Friday, June 6, 2008 at 10:32 am

    I feel weird commenting on a letter to your husband, but I just have to say that I think you are amazing. I don’t know you, so it might sound dumb to say that I am proud of you, but I really am. You obviously have build a strong foundation with your husband and are continuing to build it. On this path, no matter what happens, you will have a strong marriage. I really hope that a baby is in your near future, but in the mean time, keep enjoying the treasures that you have. xo

  2. Salty said,

    Friday, June 6, 2008 at 2:58 pm

    Hi! I got married in November and it took 5 very long months to get pregnant. But as soon as I (finally, it seemed!) became pregnant I was so glad we had those 5 months, just the two of us. Somehow, I think our baby was smarter than we were! I bet yours is too 🙂

    On another note, I am a competitive runner and was very lean at my wedding. I had to cut my running way back and gain 8 lbs before I was able to get pregnant. Peanut butter was my friend 🙂 Every day is tough when you worried it will never be. But it will. Keep the faith!

  3. mona said,

    Friday, June 6, 2008 at 3:10 pm

    I followed this link from weddingbee (I’m nosy like that) and just wanted to tell you that all things happen in their own appointed time. From your letter, I think you get that. People take for granted that if you have known your husband for any length of time before you get married, that you don’t need any more time after you take your vows, but I think that is so untrue. I’m glad to see that you will be embracing this precious time the two of you have with just you two for now, because it really is once in a lifetime.

  4. Donna said,

    Friday, June 6, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    You know – I fell in love with your blogging style through weddingbee….
    and ironically, got married around the same time you did. And I recently also suffered a miscarriage. It’s so hard. 😦 And three days after that horrible moment, I chopped off 5 inches. I just wanted to say how amazing you are.

  5. lwayswright said,

    Saturday, June 7, 2008 at 12:02 am

    I had two miscarriages, and my three full term pregnancies were very difficult and almost deadly. But i have three beautiful kids. I also have Lupus. I loved the letter you wrote to your husband. I hope you enjoy those times you have, just the two of you. I honestly wish I had more times llike that with my husband! They are very precious to me when they do happen. You have a wonderful love story ahead for you!

  6. Monday, June 9, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    That was very, very beautifully put.

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